Even if you are not in a relationship at this point, I still think that what you are about to hear is important. It will show you why people fall in love and why some couples stay in love and always save marriage. First of all, we all deserve to feel good and that includes our mates.
Right? So let me explain why we fall in love.
A man falls in love because of the way he feels about himself when he’s with a particular woman. If he stops feeling good about himself when he’s with her, he’ll find another woman who makes him feel good about himself That’s what an affair is all about. It’s not that he’s in love with the other woman. It’s that he’s in love with the way he feels about himself when he’s with the other woman.
When we talk about this in class, most men agree that once they fell in love, they felt stronger, sexier, more capable, more intelligent, and more important than they had ever felt about themselves before this special woman came into their life.
A woman falls in love for the same reason. The women I interviewed said that they felt prettier, sexier, more intelligent, more capable, and more needed when they finally met Mr. Right than they had ever felt about themselves before.
My classes have never been about how to become thinner, make more money, or become more beautiful, more handsome, or more intelligent. Some of the most attractive people in the world don’t have a love relationship. Some of the wealthiest people are lonely. Some of the most brilliant people are alone. Being loved is really about how we feel about ourselves when we are in the presence of a person we are attracted to.
My marriage has thrived for 30 years because my husband has always felt good about himself when he’s with me. I have always told him how much I love him as a husband, father, and human being.
By the same token, I have always felt good about myself when I’m with him. He has always reinforced how much I mean to him, how lucky my children are to have me as their mom, and how proud he is of my career.
Why would either of us ever want to be with anyone else? No one could ever make us feel any better about ourselves than we already do. We have our own little mutual admiration society.
To keep love alive, you have to be able to make your partner feel good about himself or herself. Remember when you first fell in love?
When your love was new, you saw all of your mate’s wonderful qualities and either ignored the negative ones or didn’t even notice them.
That’s why they say, “Love is blind.” Unfortunately, as time goes by and we get caught up in the business of raising our children and the daily drudgery of life, we often find ourselves focusing more on what’s wrong with our mate than what’s right, but this doesn’t have to be the case.
Just as you can change your thoughts and attitudes from negative to positive, you can change the way you see your mate.
To do this, you must concentrate on looking at your mate’s personality traits in the same positive way you did in the beginning. You can train yourself to do this. Then make your mate feel good by verbalizing what you love about him or her.
When my client are faced with this issue, I tell them the following….
To help yourself make this shift from negative to positive, I ask myself these questions, in order to save my marriage :
How would someone who has just fallen head over heels in love with my mate view the same personality trait that has begun to irritate me? If my mate had only one more day to live, what would I be focusing on?
1. Let’s say you think your mate is unenthusiastic, and you think, now what could be good about that. Well, here is a person who is calm and soothing to be with. He or she is usually levelheaded and well grounded. This person doesn’t get upset at trivial matters and isn’t prone to mood swings. He or she is often patient, consistent, and low-key.
Statements that would make this person feel good are: I love the way you have such a calming effect on this family. I love the fact that you are so even-tempered. It’s such a pleasure to be with such an easygoing person. It’s such a pleasure to see you so relaxed and comfortable most of the time.
2. Do you view your mate as indecisive? Let me show you how to turn this into a positive. Here is a person who is open to all possibilities. He or she usually sees many alternatives in any given situation. This person is often flexible, open-minded, and philosophical. Statements that make this type of person feel good are: I love being with someone who takes her time to make a decision and doesn’t act impulsively. I love being with someone who considers other people’s feelings and needs along with his own. This family is lucky to have someone who listens to everyone’s opinion and gives everyone a voice in the final decision.
3. Do you view your mate as egotistical? Here is a person who knows what he or she wants. This person is goal-oriented and usually assumes leadership roles. He or she takes on a great deal of responsibility. He or she is often independent, confident, and strong-willed. Statements that make this type of person feel good are: I love the way you are always in control of a situation. It’s so wonderful to be with someone who feels good about herself. You’ve taught our family to stand up for what they believe in. It’s great being with someone who is so positive in his approach to life.
4. Do you view your mate as disorganized? This is a person who is fun to be with. He or she has the ability to live in the present. This person is never in a hurry and will make you stop and smell the roses. He or she is often creative, spontaneous, and multifaceted. Statements that make this type of person feel good are: I love the way you can do many things at the same time. I’m so are lucky to have someone who puts fun ahead of orderliness. I love the way you don’t let little things bother you. You always have such original ideas.
5. Do you view your mate as emotional? Here is a person who usually lives life in a passionate way. He or she has a deeper level of understanding because he or she is very sensitive and intuitive. This person is often tender, compassionate, and sentimental. Statements that make this type of person feel good are: I love the fact that you are deeply concerned about everyone. I love the fact that I can tell you anything and you can feel what I feel. I love the fact that you emphasize our family traditions. I love your romantic side.
6. Do you view your mate as rigid? Here is a person you can count on. He or she is very organized and pays attention to the smallest details. This person sees things in a clear, logical way. He or she is dependable, consistent, and responsible. Statements that make this type of person feel good are: I love the fact that I can count on you to follow through with what you say. I love the fact that you’ll always do a thorough job. I love the way you handle everything in a straightforward way. You don’t give mixed messages. I love the fact that you have a high standard of ethics and stick to them.
7. Do you view your mate as a show-off! This is usually a person who bubbles over with enthusiasm. He or she is extroverted and is the life of the party. This person is entertaining and puts everyone at ease. He or she is often sociable, interesting, and vivacious. Statements that make this type of person feel good are: I love the fact that you draw attention wherever you go. I love the fact that life is never boring with you. I love the way you tell stories and captivate everyone. I love your sense of humor.
I hope these examples have helped you to see your own mate’s personality in a more positive light. By focusing on the positive side of your mate’s personality, you will find it easier to make positive, loving statements. In turn, this will make your mate feel good about himself or herself once again and will keep the fire lit in your relationship it is all the marriage help you need.
Life is too short to dwell on your mate’s or your children’s shortcomings. Put some blinders on and accentuate the positive. Everyone deserves to feel good. Help your children feel good about themselves by sending positive messages and supporting their dreams, and make your mate happy by verbalizing the things you love about him or her.
You’ll see that as you continue to notice something positive, even if it’s just one little thing, you’ll start to get a positive response back. When you make someone feel good about themselves, they’ll do the same to you.
These are the steps I use to save my marriage and the point is YOU have to take some positive actions if you want to save your marriage.
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