As women, we know that once we become mommy, balancing life becomes ever more difficult.  The kids ALWAYS must come first, or this is what most good mother’s subscribe to.  Absorbing yourself in nothing but your kids, leaves little, if no time for your marriage and maintaining a good healthy relationship with your husband.

A recent discussion with a friend of mine, led me to write this submission, because we were speaking to her specifically about creating a date night for her and her husband.  My husband and I recently began doing this and we have found it to be extremely beneficial and as a mother of 5 children, we knew that she could probably use a break too.  Now, if they were little then her fear of leaving them might be more justified, but her children range from 16 to 7 and therefore, there is no reason that her and her hubby can’t escape for a night out once a week for a few hours without concern.

To our surprise, she was reluctant at the idea, perhaps not realizing the value that time alone together can bring to a marriage, especially in a family where children are in the forefront most of the time.  She made it sound as if they couldn’t survive a few hours per week without her.  I am not really sure why she feels this way.  We even tried to explain to her that they could probably use a break from her as well, but she just wouldn’t bite.

Now, this is a new perspective for me, but I would like to let you know the realization that I have personally come to.  The children come and go at will, spending an evening at this friends house and running off for all kinds of activities at the drop of a hat.  They are getting older, and as they go, they don’t give nary a thought to where my husband and I are.  That is the way it should be, so why should I not be allowed to spend time out with the man I love, their father, and my soulmate? Honestly, I should.  Not to mention the fact that these children, with any luck at all are going to move out and leave us to develop their own lives, and by doing this, the will leave us all alone together without any love or relationship left.   So it is with these thoughts in mind that I wish to reconnect with my husband and enjoy time alone with him.  It is honestly in the children’s best interest to love their father after all…Isn’t It??

Being married is a delicate balance of giving and taking.  A long dance, in which part of the time you will lead, and other times when you are more tired, you will follow.  Sometimes if you are really tired, the other person may be carrying you through the dance.  It is not about who does what, about the glory of being the leader, or about apologizing when you are the one following.  Occasionally and inevitably you will step on a few toes, bump into a few people, and sometimes be off beat and without rhythm.  The one thing that you know however is that no matter how bad you look, how tired you are, or how much you want to just go over and take a seat, that there is another person there dancing along with you, following your every move and leading you through those moments when you are just about to give up.

Marriage is just that, a long dance, that is not always gratifying, is not always wonderful, and is sometimes just down right difficult.  The wonderful thing about it all, is that no matter what there is someone who is right there by your side.  As long as you are both traveling together and working to stay on the dance floor, then no matter what you will not go wrong.  Remember that when you are given the choice to sit it out or dance…I hope you dance…

Men need to feel that they are providing for their families and that they are the head.  They need to be the strong one, the protector and the money maker.  Women’s lib has created a lot of really strong and independent women, and don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with that.  You need to remember that while in a relationship, it is okay to allow him to take the lead.  Doing this can help to make him feel like the man.  This is an important role that a wife must play.  It is okay to let him take over sometimes, even in areas that you really could handle on your own.  It is okay to ask for his help, opinion or advise, even though you may feel that you already can handle this situation alone.

Being a strong woman, does not mean that you have to do everything or take on and shoulder every responsibility without help.  Being a good supportive partner to your husband may mean allowing him to take over and you need to know where and when to back down.  Allowing your husband to be the man of the family and to shoulder his share of the responsibilities will help you to nurture him and his feelings and manhood, while helping to improve his own self esteem and self worth.  Try it out.  You will definitely see the difference in him when you back down and let him take charge.  He will seem like a new man and your marriage seem like a new marriage.

Doing special things for your spouse can really help you to keep your marriage thriving.  It is very easy to become distracted with the day to day and to forget to focus that special attention on the one you love.  It is very easy to become comfortable in your marriage and to forget to do those extra special things that you did when you were dating and this can lead to marriage problems.

Many couples reach a point in their relationship where things seem to have become stale, and for some couples they begin to look outside of their relationship for the passion they once had, but this is a big mistake.  No matter who you are with, there will be times when you need to put forth the effort to renew and regenerate the relationship.  A good relationship does not just “happen” to those who are “lucky”, it takes a solid commitment to work toward improving your relationship each and every day.  Understanding this can help you take a new look at some things that you could be doing to let your spouse know just how important they are to you.

Consider cooking a surprise romantic dinner, or creating a romantic weekend.  Whether that means staying in, or going out on the town, it doesn’t matter as long as it is a setting that suits you and your spouse.  Writing love notes, sending flowers, buying little gifts, and giving an extra long kiss or hug can make all the difference in solving your marriage problems.

The one thing to keep in mind is to take time out everyday to bond with each other and to let the other person know that you care.  Making your husband realize that he is the most important person in your life, truly counts the most in making your marriage one that lasts a lifetime.

Meeting and connecting with someone usually stems from some type of physical attraction.  It can be difficult to know why or how humans connect, however we know that even before we meet there is something that draws us to some people and yet repels us from others.  Keeping the connection with your spouse is what makes a marriage succeed, while others suffer from marriage problems, and still others have failing marriages everyday.  Understanding our different connections with our spouse, helps us to understand the areas of strength and weakness within our own marriages.

THE PHYSICAL CONNECTION

Connecting with your spouse on a physical level, is an important part of the relationship and one that should be nutured.  Not just referring to the act of love making, but referring to all physical interactions, whether it be hugging, cuddling, hand holding, kissing, or even just a touch.  Most women think that men are the only one’s in need of the physical connection in a marriage, but this is not truly the case.  Women who are in good, connected relationships also have experienced the rewards of having a very rewarding physical relationship with their spouse.  Finding this type of rewarding physical relationship, takes full communication with your spouse, as well as a good connection on the other levels as well.  Exploring fantasies openly and honestly, will help you attain a relationship with your spouse that goes beyond the physical.

THE EMOTIONAL CONNECTION

Not only understanding and empathizing with your spouse, this connection goes beyond that.  It is a complete understanding of the person that you are with and the things that make them tick.  Having a full understanding of how things are affecting your spouse and what they find upsetting, can help both them and you find a new level of compassion.  Again, communication and getting to know your spouse intimately are the true keys to getting a solid emotional connection.  Exploring the past, where their feelings and insecurities lie, can help you to understand the whole person that you are loving.

THE SPIRITUAL CONNECTION

This connection is a little bit harder to attain on your own, however it can be done.  Working together on spirituality is a good way to connect with each other.  Consider studying religion or other forms of spiritual connection together, and you will reap the rewards of a fulfilling marital relationship.

Connecting and staying connected requires above all else excellent communication, so be sure that if you aren’t communicating effectively you are probably not making the most of your marriage.  Consider taking a communication class together or a relationship building class to have a better understanding of each other and the methods that you each use to communicate with each other.  This can not only help you to better understand spouse, but yourself as well.

Unlike men, many women don’t really communicate well about sex.  Sure we try to, but for most women, there is a stigma, something that tells us that it is something dirty and shouldn’t be discussed outside the bedroom.  If you find yourself being one of those women who wants to branch out but is not really sure how to, this information is for you.

First, don’t be afraid to find out more information about sex.  This can be done through magazines, books or even online.  There are step by step directions on how to do different things to please your man and yourself, so don’t be afraid to explore those different options.

Sometimes it can be difficult to keep your sex life new and fresh, but sometimes just changing things like the room you are having sex in or the position can add a little new life to your marriage.  Talk to each other, communication is truly the key and don’t be afraid to tell your husband about your desires or new things that you would like to try.  Opening up is the key to a healthy sex life.

Here are some suggestions of different things that you can do to spice things up a little:

1.  Role Play, this can be done with or without costumes.

2.  Talk Dirty, talking to each other about your deepest desires can help lend itself to the fantasy.

3.  Be Clean and wear something new and sexy, this can really turn your husband on.  Remember men tend to be very visual, so be sure to let him see you in it.

4.  Hold off on having intercourse.  Many times resisting the intercourse will let the excitement, anticipation and desires build.  You can hold off for just a little while or for a week or taunting and teasing each other.  This allows the sexual tension to really mount.

5.  If you are comfortable you can take sex pictures.  These visuals can really help to get him in the mood.

The important thing to remember is that sex can be serious, or it can be playful, but the most important thing is to work to satisfy your partner.  Doing this, you will find, will give you more stimulation from the act of intercourse.

The marriages that have the best chance of survival are those where communication and friendship are the core of the relationship.  Don’t get me wrong, the sexual relationship does matter, but being friends and communicating well can honestly take care of most of the issues in the bedroom.  At least for most couples.  There are some core issues that married couples struggle with, and so it is important to know this and to look at these issues right away and make sure you have your house in order.  If you haven’t done these things prior to marriage, then consider starting over now to establish boundaries and rules about these issues.  This will help insure that everyone in the marriage is on the same page, and will help avoid marriage problems in the future.

1. Money is one of the most frequent causes of marital problems. Work together to establish a spending plan and agree on it.  The sooner you do this the more peaceful your life will be.

2. Be willing to apologize and mean it.  Many times we let our egos get in the way.  Don’t raise issues about the small things, this just leads to bickering that is counterproductive to a healthy marriage.

3. Make all big life and big spending decisions together.  Regardless of whose money it is or whose life it affects.  You are now a couple and all decisions need to be made together.

4. Share.  Sharing with your spouse, especially the little things can draw you closer so the next time you see a beautiful sunset, call him over and share a moment of beauty together.

5. Start to work at making each other happy.  Wake each day and say to yourself, what can I do to make my husband’s life happier.  Being in a relationship means working together and you will find that by making your spouses life better you will also be improving your own life as well.

In a relationship, and in life in general it is important to keep the big things big, and on the other hand the small things small.  Sometimes when we get angry we tend to hang on to the problems and issues and keep harping on them.  When this happens and issues never dissipate, something that starts out to be a very small issue in a marriage can cause some big problems.  When one party in a relationship can’t break free of an arguement and keeps wanting to rehash it over and over again, this process can be extremely frustrating and difficult to deal with.  It is important in a relationship to keep things in perspective and learn to forgive and forget.

When dealing with our spouse we need to show them a loving heart and a forgiving spirit.  And a big part of the forgiving is actually forgetting.  Now this does not mean that it is magically erased from your memory, but what it does mean is letting go of it and moving forward.  It is actually one of the most important things that can help save your marriage, and help you avoid marriage counseling.  It is important to discuss the issues in a calm manner and then allow for them to be resolved.  Don’t keep fueling the fire by bringing up the past.

In our society, there are many couples who are trying to suffer quietly with their marriage problems, believing that they are the only ones who have ever been faced with the issues of temptation, immorality, complacency, and so forth.  That is why I found the movie FIREPROOF quite intriguing.  I got my husband to watch it with me, and we were  both just completely amazed at it.  This movie was about a young couple, without children, trying to deal with finding a balance between responsibilities and marriage.  They faced many issues and then the man’s father provides him with a 60 day plan to win over his wife again, before commiting to divorce.  The book is designed take him on a journey of gaining a new perspective on his marriage.  He basically learns to put his marriage above all else.  Some of their marriage problems are having to do with internet porn and the temptation of going outside their marriage to find what will make them happy, and this made the film extremely realistic.

I must say that whether you are having marriage problems or as happy as two clams, the messages in this movie are for any married couple.  It is an enjoyable movie, that really makes you refocus on what is important in your life, and from that standpoint, it is a great date movie.  It is out on DVD so take the time to rent it and watch it together.  You will be glad that you did.