Most women seem to complain that there is no romance in their marital relationship and over and over again you hear the complaint that my husband is not romantic.

This is true of Sadie’s marriage.  Sadie and her husband Marc have been married for about 3 years and when Sadie goes out to lunch with her friends, she is always complaining that there is no romance left in their marriage, and she guesses that the rest of their lives together will be just boring and routine.  Finally one day, quite honestly a little fed up with Sadie’s complaining, her friend Beth said, “When was the last time you romanced him?, Bought and worn something sexy and new? Set the stage with some romantic music and candles? Massage oils?”.  Sadie thought on this for a few minutes and said honestly, I never thought about it like that.  The last time I was romantic with him was when we were first married.  Now every night, she admitted she comes to bed in her flannel pjs or old night shirt.

Sadie was so busy focusing on what her husband wasn’t doing for her, that she never honestly stopped to think about what she was doing to encourage a romantic atmosphere in her marriage.

This honestly happens quite often in marriage and is a frequent complaint in most marriage counseling sessions.  The spark is gone.  Well, both parties can work together to bring it back.  We can’t become complacent with our spouse, just because we married him, doesn’t mean that we can stop trying to keep him happy and our selves as well.  We must take the time to keep things fresh and exciting.  Believe me if you surprise him a few nights when he gets home from work, he will be ever so anxious to come home and find out if there is a surprise waiting for him.

Often times, the doers, women tend to run from one task to another.  Worrying about the 10 things that need to be done this afternoon and the other 30 things that they have to do tomorrow.  Worry can only come from thinking about the past and the future, there is no worry in the present.

We all mean to be a better wife, better mother, but it isn’t on the list and the laundry needs to be done, dinner made, dishes, vacuuming, work, school, it seems like there is always more to do.  Unfortunately, because being a better wife is never on the list, it just doesn’t get done.

Sometimes, I know that my husband will approach me very lovingly and touch me or kiss me in a way that I know he would like some of my attention.  Often times, I am just too busy to give it to him.  Isn’t that sad? The most important person in my life, the man that I plan to be with until I die, and I can’t spare some time to be affectionate, to show him the love that he needs, he deserves.

I think that as women we need to spend more time living in the moment instead of carefully planning out everything.  Spontaneity can not be planned, and the truth is you will hear many women say that it is their husband who is not spontaneous enough, when really we only want our husbands to be spontaneous when it is convenient for us, on our schedule.  Unfortunately, that is not spontaneous, it is planned.

As women, we really need to learn to live in the moment.  The list of things to do is never ending and therefore can’t take precedence over all else, especially over our husbands.  Is it no wonder that so many couples need to seek out marriage counseling? We really need to prioritize and our husbands should be on the very top of our list.

As women, we often can imagine having sex without love.  We tend to be very emotional in our expression of love, while for men the physical love is what they acknowledge as true love.  They need that physical expression of love in order to feel close with their mate.

Often times, women don’t feel emotionally close with their mate, and therefore, they don’t look forward to encounters of a physical nature.  For men, they don’t feel close to their spouse because they are not getting the physical love they need, so therefore they shut down emotionally.  This is the cause for many marriage problems, and lack of sex is one of the main things that men tend to complain about in marriage counseling.  If you think about it though, what the man is really saying is that he doesn’t feel loved, because in his mind without intercourse, there is no love.

Breaking the stalemate, is something that either partner can do.  Speaking as a woman, be seductive and creative and don’t be afraid to give yourself to your husband.  You will find, that even if you are not in the mood, you can create an atmosphere that will put you both in the mood.  Light some candles, draw a bath for two, or just go on a date.  Rekindling the physical love with your spouse will emotionally draw him back in.  Intercourse is an important part of a marital relationship and abstinence will only create more tensions in a marriage that is on the rocks.

You will find that if you start having sex with your husband more often, your communication and emotional relationship will improve.  I am not saying that there still won’t be things that you have to work out, however with a more harmonious home life, you will be better able to deal with the other issues on the table.