Yes, although you have probably heard this saying before, it is true of everything in life including marital relationships.  Whenever you speak to a couple that has been together for a long time, they will always tell you their war stories.  You know, stories of the adversities they faced along the way and how they got through them together.  It is one common thread among all couples that have weathered the storms and faced the adversity and come out the other end together.

In life we all face adversity and many couples experience their share of marriage problems.  There will be tough times and it is important that through them you work as a team.  Being a life partner is just that, for better or worse, in sickness and in health, through good and bad, you are there for each other.  It is important to know that you have a relationship that is supportive and loving, even when you personally are falling apart.  This works both ways, so when you look over at your spouse and see them falling apart, that is when they need you to step in, to do everything possible to support them through whatever.  They may not be a pleasure to be around, you may not even like them at that point.  Stress can make people crazy, but believe me if you step in and support, without judgment, without fear, you too will be one of those couples that ride into the sunset together.

The best thing about facing the adversity together is that it builds a solid relationship and proves to both partners that working together then can handle anything.  The closeness that comes from working through life’s issues together is what builds strength, unity, closeness and love.

So when the going gets tough, find ways to stay close, be there for each other, and love each other through it and you will find that your relationship is better and stronger than ever before, and so are the individuals in it.

As women, we often can imagine having sex without love.  We tend to be very emotional in our expression of love, while for men the physical love is what they acknowledge as true love.  They need that physical expression of love in order to feel close with their mate.

Often times, women don’t feel emotionally close with their mate, and therefore, they don’t look forward to encounters of a physical nature.  For men, they don’t feel close to their spouse because they are not getting the physical love they need, so therefore they shut down emotionally.  This is the cause for many marriage problems, and lack of sex is one of the main things that men tend to complain about in marriage counseling.  If you think about it though, what the man is really saying is that he doesn’t feel loved, because in his mind without intercourse, there is no love.

Breaking the stalemate, is something that either partner can do.  Speaking as a woman, be seductive and creative and don’t be afraid to give yourself to your husband.  You will find, that even if you are not in the mood, you can create an atmosphere that will put you both in the mood.  Light some candles, draw a bath for two, or just go on a date.  Rekindling the physical love with your spouse will emotionally draw him back in.  Intercourse is an important part of a marital relationship and abstinence will only create more tensions in a marriage that is on the rocks.

You will find that if you start having sex with your husband more often, your communication and emotional relationship will improve.  I am not saying that there still won’t be things that you have to work out, however with a more harmonious home life, you will be better able to deal with the other issues on the table.

Keeping the romance alive isn’t always easy.  Sometimes when you have been married for a while, things start to fizzle and tend to become kind of monotonous.  When you start feeling like this, whether you are a man or a woman, chances are your partner feels this way as well.  You need to do something to bring back that spark, and one of the best ways to do this is to be creative with romance.  Think of some exciting ways that you can surprise and entice your partner.  Realize that we all want to feel loved, turned on and excited about our partner.  We all want to feel our hearts race, and if you aren’t getting this from your partner, then your eyes may begin to stray to others that make you feel alive.  This does not mean that this other person is any better, or even more attractive than your partner it, however, there is something to be said for the excitement you feel when you are attracted to someone new, and when that attraction is mutual it is even better.  That is why it is imperative to keep looking for ways to achieve that kind of excitement with your own spouse again, before either of you wind up having an extra marital affair and regretting it.

Now you may be sitting there thinking, how can this save my marriage? Or how can this solve my marriage problems? Well, the answer is simple. Remember how you felt about your spouse when you met, remember how excited you were to spend every minute together? Don’t you think that if you felt that way again, you wouldn’t stray?

Take Linda and Kevin, married parents who had been really distant for a long time.  With work and kids things just got nutty and they really didn’t even realize that they were drifting.  Waiting in an empty school for their son to finish his basketball practice they decided to walk around the school.  Linda made a few jokes about making out by the lockers at school, and Kevin stopped her against the wall in the empty stairwell and gave her a kiss, like they were high school students all over again.  Well, needless to say they took their passionate kiss to a whole new level in a dark empty classroom.  They felt like high school kids all over again, and a new spark was ignited that they hadn’t felt in years.

So when I talk about getting that new feeling all over again, what I am really saying is rekindle the passion, find new and exciting ways to be together, and you will see that it will be like having an affair, but an intramarital one.

Sometimes we find it difficult to trust another person with our hearts, this is especially true in a new relationship.  How can we overcome our trust issues to open ourselves up to trusting and loving another human being? Marriage problems having to do with trust issues are extremely common and having difficulties in this area can be the difference between success and failure in a relationship, so it is first very important to identify where these issues are coming from.  You need to first figure out if you are just feeling insecure, or if your spouse is exhibiting some sort of behavior that is helping to foster your distrust.

In either case, you must work to fix these issues because they can be the death of any marriage if they are allowed to linger without being addressed.  I personally had been cheated on in my past, and honestly had cheated in past relationships.  When I entered the relationship with my current husband, I vowed to change my behavior and to never have cheating become an issue.  There have been times in the past that I have worried that he might cheat, but then I realized that putting extra energy into this thought was not serving either of us.  I have vowed to myself to always trust my husband and to believe that he is doing the right thing, until I have a real reason not to.  Running around worrying about where he is and who he is talking to is to say the least a very immature attitude.  In order to have an adult relationship with your spouse, you must believe in your heart that everything will be okay.  You must trust implicitly the fact that your spouse will be true to you, and locking him up and not allowing him to speak to women, will not stop him from cheating if that is what he is going to do.  It is my experience that doing this will just encourage lying and deceit, as your spouse is going to speak to members of the opposite sex, but if he knows it bothers you, then he just may avoid telling you about it.  This can be worse because then you don’t really know what is going on with him.

Encourage open, honest communication with your spouse and allow them to tell you about things that happen.  Feel comfortable enough with yourself and your husband to listen to him and not pass judgment on the situation.  Distrust will eat away at your marriage, so try to address these issues as they arise and you will find that you have a healthier, happier relationship because of it.

I have yet to meet a man who feels guilty because he isn’t a super father, a super husband, highly successful at earning a living, all at the same time. It’s much more typical for men to have realistic expectations of themselves than it is for them to stress out trying to be perfect in several roles at once. One father I know took custody of his two children when he and his wife divorced. As soon as arrangements had been completed and he was finally the full-time caretaker of his children, he met with his boss.

“Now that I’m a single father,” he said, “my children come first. I may be late for work, I may take long lunch hours, I may leave early, and sometimes I may not come in at all,” he said. “It just depends on what my children need on any given day.”

Even if they were in a position to do it, how many women do you know who could take that stand at work without feeling extremely guilty?

While most men I’ve spoken to may feel there’s room for improvement in one or more of these areas, they certainly aren’t plagued by guilt. Leigh said, Sure, I feel bad sometimes about the long hours I work, But I provide a good living and a comfortable lifestyle for my family. Could I be a better father? Absolutely, but then my son wouldn’t have the material rewards of my labor, such as owning his own car and having his college expenses paid.”

Rocky said, “I think I’m a pretty good father. I certainly feel I’m involved in my son’s activities. At times I wish that I earned more money, but we have enough to get by, and we enjoy doing things as a family.”

Greg admits that there’s room for improvement in the romance department. “I may not be a Don Juan,” he says, “but I love my wife and kids a great deal. I go out there and work hard every day to earn a living because I want them to have the best that life has to offer.”

Sorry ladies, but on the subject of guilt, most men have a healthier outlook and can teach us a great deal.

I’ve had your program, Light His Fire for a year now. I decided to look on the internet to see if there was anything new that you had come out with so I typed in “LightHisFire.com” and there you were! What a treat! It looks like it is new so I thought I would add a memorable success story to it.  Needless to say we have no marriage problems.

Living in the Midwest, I get the mid-winter blahs extremely bad, especially being cooped up in the house with 6 kids. I played out one of my favorite fantasies. I planned a beach party! It consisted of a bottle of wine, submarine sandwiches and two new CD’s which neither of us had heard before. One had ocean sounds. I also went out to buy my husband a new pair of swim trunks (something skimpy) but that time of year I couldn’t find anything so I improvised and bought him some BVD bikini briefs. I wrapped them with a little poem that said, “Put these on. We’ve our very own beach in our bedroom on top of the sheets.” It was the nicest thing we’ve done in a long time. It cost about the same as a night out without the expense of a baby-sitter. Our 2 older children thought that it was pretty great that mom and dad were having their own little party in their room that no one else was invited to. All the kids were in bed and were tucked in for the night and I could really enjoy getting to know my husband again without worrying about the kids. (I usually do if we go out.) We actually enjoyed our food too. With 6 kids at the dinner table it’s hard to eat anything, let alone enjoy it. Anyway thank you again.