Why Men Fall in Love

The majority of men I have interviewed, whether married or single, agreed that they felt captivated by that special woman who was able to make them feel stronger, more capable, more intelligent, sexier, or more knowledgeable than they had felt about themselves before these women came into their lives.

For example, Michael, who was quiet and withdrawn, told me he had always been a loner. In a group situation, he always listened intently but never felt confident about giving his opinion. When he met Melinda, he recalled the feelings he had about himself after a few dates.

“She always commented that she loved my easygoing nature,” he said. “Melinda was very high strung and she told me she always felt calmer and more peaceful when she was with me. For the first time in my life, I started feeling good about my personality.”

A man named Patrick related how different he felt with his ex-wife and his current girlfriend.

“I have a very high sex drive, I guess. With my ex-wife, I always felt like I was a sex maniac. She’d complain how abnormal I was and continually tell me to take a cold shower, go for a walk, or go to the gym to work off my urges.”

“My girlfriend, Donna, on the other hand, makes me feel wanted. She tells me how affectionate and passionate I am, and how she loves that about me.”

He ended by saying, “Being with a woman who was incompatible had me beginning to doubt myself. It’s so good to feel like I’m normal.”

Hank, a stockbroker who considers himself an expert in the field, remembers that every time he’d go out on a date, he’d try to impress the woman he was with, with his knowledge. “I’d even give them free financial advice,” he said.

It wasn’t until Marilyn came into my life that I felt like a genius,” he continued. “She was amazed at how much I knew about different companies. She’d listen for hours as I explained the transactions of the day. Marilyn made me feel so intelligent because she appreciated who I was.”

Sam is a traveling salesman. “I’m on the road at least four days a week and my old girlfriend complained, whined, and argued about how much I was gone. I married my wife Suzie, because she felt my job was so exciting and I was such an interesting man, traveling to all those places. Suzie was, and still is, eager for me to return home and tell her, in detail, about my experiences that week. She makes me feel like I’m the most adventurous man alive.”

Ken stated that he never felt he was particularly good-looking until Karen came into his life. “I’ve never been a ‘ladies man,’ and had almost no dates in high school,” he said. “Karen and I have been married twenty-seven years, and I still feel like I’m the best-looking man alive when I am with her. Karen always tells me how handsome I am and what a great body I have.

“Who am I to argue with someone as wonderful as my wife, who still sees me as her ‘Adonis’?” he asked, as he blushed and rolled his eyes.

Patrick is a bodybuilder who met his wife at the gym where he used to work out. “I can still remember the day we met. Ann was working out on a machine, next to me. She turned to me and said, ‘How do you make that look so easy? I’m struggling, and you make it look like it’s a piece of cake.’”

“How could I not get to know this woman?” he continued. “After six years of marriage, she still gloats at my muscles. Every time we see a muscular guy on the beach, Ann turns to me and whispers, ‘You’re in better shape than he is.’ I guess when it comes right down to it, I feel sexy when I’m with her. She even told our three-year-old daughter how lucky she is to have a daddy in such great shape,” Patrick concluded proudly.

Are you beginning to get the picture? Men fall in love because of the way they feel about themselves when they are with you. One of the reasons my husband fell in love with me was because I always laughed at his jokes. He felt great around me because I thought he was so funny. (By the way, I still laugh at his jokes.) Usually, when a man no longer feels good about himself when he is with you, he finds another woman. That’s what an affair is all about. It’s not that he’s in love with the other woman – it’s that he’s in love with the way he feels about himself when he’s with the other woman. So, if you want to recapture your love affair with your husband or mate, you have to make him feel good about himself. Otherwise, the best you can hope for is to trade him for a new man who has different strengths and different weaknesses.

Suppose you met a man at work who seems to be everything your husband is not. For example, he’s sensitive and caring, but because he is, he has many friends who call constantly to ask for advice or help. Or perhaps he has a twelve-year-old daughter with whom he spends too much time, or he has an ill mother who demands too much of his energy and money. You may have fallen in love with him because he is verbal and your husband is not. But because he is verbal, he always monopolizes the conversation and you can hardly get a word in, and he is unaware of your feelings because he is so wrapped up in himself. Or, finally you meet a man who earns a wonderful living, but because he is successful, he’s gone a great deal of the time. So now you feel lonely, though you didn’t before when you were with a man who came home every evening at six. Maybe you’ve found the most romantic man alive – a true Casanova. The problem is that he loves all women and his flirting arouses tremendous jealousy in you. I know one thing for sure – the longer you know any of these men, the more annoying traits you will see – unless you learn to change your attitude instead of your man.

Your Hero Forever

For every action there is a reaction. For every trait there is a response to that trait. You must learn to react in a positive way and stop being judgmental. When you concentrate on a man’s strengths instead of his weaknesses, you get more positive behavior.

Mort Sahl, a humorist, once said, “Women always marry a man and hope that he’ll change. Men always marry a woman and hope they never change.”

Women seem to go into a relationship saying, “I know there are a lot of things about him that I don’t like, but wait until I get through with him. You won’t even recognize him.”

Men, on the other hand, say, “When I’m with this woman I feel like a king. It’s wonderful. I hope she never changes. I always want to feel like this.” That, by the way, is why he wants to marry this woman. He wants to feel like her hero for the rest of his life.

Once you begin to focus on the things you consider weaknesses and try to change him, the love he had for you had in the beginning starts to die. So, think about how your husband feels when he’s with you? Why not tell him tonight how glad you are that you married him and how lucky you are to have him in your life? Then come back to this site and let us all know what your husband’s reaction was.